The Path Back to Recovery
Restoring My Connection to Food
The goal of recovery is to learn how to live again, not only to resume eating. In my journey, reestablishing a healthy, intuitive relationship with food was one of the most challenging aspects. For a long time, I believed that food was the enemy and should be avoided, controlled, or feared. It required patience, time, and a great deal of self-compassion to rewire that thinking.
I began modestly. Initially, it was just about getting back into the habit of eating three meals a day along with snacks. Both my body and I needed to be retrained to trust each other. At first, the idea of intuitive eating seemed strange to me, but my therapist explained it to me. Consuming food while I felt hungry? When I was full, did I stop? No dietary restrictions? It was horrifying, but it was also immensely liberating.
On certain days, I might cry over a piece of pizza or get anxious when I thought of dessert. But meal after meal, I continued to show up. Food grew less frightening over time. It evolved into celebration, sustenance, and bonding. I even began to love eating again, which I never imagined was possible.
Handling Relapses and Setbacks
Recovery is not linear, let us be clear about it. There have been many setbacks. There were nights when I wanted to give up and days when I reverted to my old habits. It took time for the eating disorder's voice to go away. It whispered fear, guilt, and uncertainty.
The problem is that a setback does not equate to failure. It is a step in the procedure. I learned something about my needs, my triggers, and the value of seeking treatment with each relapse.